


No words left unsaid

by Marrie_L



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst I guess, Heartbreak, M/M, first wizarding war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 10:35:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9380621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrie_L/pseuds/Marrie_L
Summary: “I never stood a chance, did I?”Sirius doesn't want to have words left unspoken, so he asks they question that has been on his mind for a while: did he ever had a chance?





	

“I never stood a chance, did I?”

Sirius’ voice was nothing but a whisper, but it sounded way too loud in the silence anyway. In front of him stood Remus. Remus, once the man who he had fallen in love with, now nothing more than a ally, if they were even that. They both knew there was a traitor among them and the friendship they had, had disappeared under the pressure. They were nothing more than two people sharing a room and a history of laughs and jokes.

He used to love the man. No, not man. It was just a boy who was standing in front of him, just as he was. They were only 21, just two boys, but the war had forced them to grow up too quickly and they were both tired. Sirius just longed for a warm hug, like Remus used to give him when he had had trouble with his parents again, or when Remus had been scared for his furry little problem.

It had felt like so much more than just friendship for him, for them both probably. But even that was gone now. There was a coldness between them and no matter what they tried, they couldn’t make it disappear.

It was 30 October 1981 and Sirius couldn’t take it anymore. His body was still breathing, his heart still beating, but he was dying on the inside. He was slowly losing everything he cared about. His friends, his love and his sanity. Every night he heard the screams of those who had died and he saw their faces. He knew he would join them eventually.  They all did.

With James and Lily into hiding and his life on danger all the time, he had had time to think about everything. Did he regret his choices? Did he regret being Gryffindor, being the black sheep of the family, running away from his parents and being a rebel? No, he didn’t. It were the best choices he could have ever made and if he had the chance he would do everything just the same. Everything, except one thing.

He should have declared Remus his love. He should have told him how much he loved him, how wonderfull he was and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him.

Maybe they would be together then forever. Maybe Remus had known it all along, but Sirius had never said it and neither had Remus. Maybe Remus hadn’t loved him in the way Sirius had. He was probably just imagining things about the past.

He only knew one thing for sure and that was that he had no chance anymore. And the longer he thought about it, the more he was sure Remus had known it, but had ignored it because he didn’t like Sirius that way.

So now he had to ask. He didn’t know why but it felt like his whole world was about to change and he had to ask Remus if he ever had a chance. It was difficult, but he wanted to know the answer before one of them would be the next dead body on the ground.

War changed people. It made them scared and hurt, but it could give confidence. It made young boys grow up and turned them into adults. It made people worry, but in the end it didn’t matter if you worried or not. You were going to end up dead anyway.

But most of all, it made people ask things they had always wondered but never asked. It made people say what was on their mind, because you never knew if you had the chance of saying it the day after. Words couldn’t be left unsaid, because otherwist they would stay unsaid forever.

“I never stood a chance, did I?”

“That’s the sad part. You did once.”


End file.
